A collection of david spade quotes. David spade is an american actor, comedian, writer, and television personality. He is best known for his roles on the tv shows just shoot me!, rules of engagement, and saturday night live.
Throughout his career, david has earned a reputation for his sarcastic, dry wit, and his quick-witted one-liners. Here you will find some of the best and funniest quotes from david spade that will make you laugh and inspire you.
Funny & Humbling David Spade Quotes :
🔸“There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all.” – David Spade
🔸“Success? You can’t get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, ‘That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He’s horrible.” – David Spade
🔸“Most of the shows I want to do I’m not smart enough to figure out how to watch.” – David Spade
🔸“It’s just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I’m sure I will, but I’m just trying to postpone it.” – David Spade
🔸“Single guys get a bad rap.” – David Spade
🔸“On Sundays, I lay low, sulk a lot, and try to get my head together for next week.” – David Spade
🔸“I’ve got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose.” – David Spade
🔸“I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.” – David Spade
🔸“In grade school I was smart, but I didn’t have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.” – David Spade
🔸“It’s hard to have a career.” – David Spade
🔸“Horrible date all through high school and college. Here’s an impression of me on a date in high school. Come on, chug it!.” – David Spade
🔸“Hopefully, underlying all my jokes is an element of surprise.” – David Spade
🔸“No one wants to know I set my alarm and get up 8, but I think it’s too weird to sleep in too late.” – David Spade
🔸“To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.” – David Spade
🔸“I’m still blow drying my hair, just trying to keep doing stuff that’s fun.” – David Spade
🔸“Don’t make your kids look hot and dirty and sexy when they’re 5-years old! It’s really not the place or the time. You’re about 11 years early.” – David Spade
🔸“My career is just kind of crazy.” – David Spade
🔸“I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.” – David Spade
🔸“I have no detectable hairstyle.” – David Spade
🔸“When I started I’d fly across the country to do a gig for a hundred bucks.” – David Spade
🔸“There’s always something funny about men chasing women.” – David Spade
🔸“Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he’s good.” – David Spade
🔸“My school of thought is, anything goes, but I can’t do that anymore.” – David Spade
🔸“To be famous and broke is hard.” – David Spade
🔸“I want to get away from it all. Move to the sticks. Montana. Hundreds of miles from civilization. Get a cabin in the snow. Curl up with some cute girl. Say stuff to her like, Scream all you want, sugar. Ain’t nobody gonna hear you!” – David Spade
🔸“I’m always making fun of myself and my friends.” – David Spade
🔸“People come and go around you, but you’re never the one getting the big stuff. I like that.” – David Spade
🔸“I’ve had it where things didn’t go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.” – David Spade
🔸“Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it’s not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.” – David Spade
🔸“I never dated much in high school or college.” – David Spade
🔸“Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire city’s. I prefer keeping my eyes wide open.” – David Spade
🔸“There are a couple hard things. One, getting a funny idea that people can relate to; a funny idea or a funny script; there’s a million pitches.” – David Spade
🔸“It wasn’t a cutdown to call someone a Mexican. It would kill my career to refer to someone as Mexican today. It’s like calling me an American.” – David Spade
🔸“When I’m interviewed on Leno, just be funny, period. That’s all they want from me. I don’t want to tell my life story.” – David Spade
🔸“Stayed up and watched a little spanktrovision. It’s the American way. There’s really nothing wrong with spanktrovision. One of the best inventions of the 1900s, 20th century.” – David Spade
🔸“I’m scared of slipping up, of just doing a joke that makes me laugh.” – David Spade
🔸“I’m a gentleman and I was always taught it’s rude, to talk about a woman’s age or weight unless you are breaking up with her.” – David Spade
🔸“I’ve been with a beautiful girl from time to time.” – David Spade
🔸“My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.” – David Spade
🔸“You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that’s depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.” – David Spade
🔸“My older brother was cool, so I was suddenly cool by association. And I totally dusted all my old math friends..” – David Spade
🔸“It’s just easier to make fun and cut down. It’s kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you’re going to say, it can be cruel and funny.” – David Spade
David Spade Quotes On Success In Life :
🔸“To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.” ~ David Spade
🔸“My older brother was cool, so I was suddenly cool by association. And I totally dusted all my old math friends.” ~ David Spade
🔸“I wish I had that carefree lifestyle. But I guess I’m more private, and more inside.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he’s good.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky-dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I’m on 8.” ~ David Spade
🔸“No one wants to know I set my alarm and get up 8, but I think it’s too weird to sleep in too late.” ~ David Spade
🔸“In grade school I was smart, but I didn’t have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.” ~ David Spade Quotes
🔸“I’ve had it where things didn’t go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.” ~ David Spade
🔸“It’s hard for your mom to tell you she has an oral fixation and has to have something in her mouth. My step dad is in the kitchen winking at me. You down with OPP, yeah you know me. Exciting is and a special… What? Easy, and why do you know all the words? That’s weird.” ~ David Spade
🔸“It’s just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I’m sure I will, but I’m just trying to postpone it.” ~ David Spade
🔸“I feel like I’ve got this anti-marriage thing, but it’s less that and more I’m overthinking it to get it right.” ~ David Spade
🔸“When my stepfather died, I just kind of fell apart. I felt pretty vulnerable, like there literally could be no tomorrow.” ~ David Spade
🔸“You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that’s depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.” ~ David Spade
🔸“It’s great to tell people you have your own show, but that’s where the fun stops.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Hopefully, underlying all my jokes is an element of surprise.” ~ David Spade
🔸“I’m a gentleman and I was always taught it’s rude, to talk about a woman’s age or weight unless you are breaking up with her.” ~ David Spade
🔸“I want to get away from it all. Move to the sticks. Montana. Hundreds of miles from civilization. Get a cabin in the snow. Curl up with some cute girl. Say stuff to her like, Scream all you want, sugar. Ain’t nobody gonna hear you!” ~ David Spade
🔸“I never dated much in high school or college.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you’re somewhat normal, it’s exotic.” ~ David Spade
🔸“I have two skateboards, but I don’t get to use them much. I have a snowboard, which I’ve never used.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Nobody wants to read about your life. Who cares?” ~ David Spade
🔸“I’ve got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose.” ~ David Spade
🔸“My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it’s not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.” ~ David Spade
🔸“The hard part about SNL is, there’s no real communication when you get there. It’s not like people are mean to you, they just act like you’re not there.” ~ David Spade
🔸“I changed my act because I wasn’t getting booked.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Single guys get a bad rap.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Now that I have the opportunities to do a lot, I want to do less.” ~ David Spade
🔸“To be famous and broke is hard.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Seriously, you don’t have to know English. It’d be nice, a nice little plus. We don’t want miracles. You don’t have to know the country’s language. But just some shapes, that’s all. A square. A little geometry.” ~ David Spade
🔸“How do you lay low but still do your job? Try to stay out there without being out there like Jenny McCarthy?” ~ David Spade
🔸“A friend of Nicole Ritchie told the New York Post that Nicole is definitely pregnant.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Success? You can’t get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, “That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He’s horrible.”” ~ David Spade quotes on success
🔸“It’s hard to have a career.” ~ David Spade
🔸“It’s just easier to make fun and cut down. It’s kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you’re going to say, it can be cruel and funny.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Stayed up and watched a little spanktrovision. It’s the American way. There’s really nothing wrong with spanktrovision. One of the best inventions of the 1900s, 20th century.” ~ David Spade
🔸“You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad’s in the room. Low five!” ~ David Spade
🔸“My school of thought is, anything goes, but I can’t do that anymore.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Bill Murray I always liked. I’m not as good as him, but there’s a quality in him that I like. And then there’s DeNiro, I’ll never be that.” ~ David Spade
🔸“I’ve been with a beautiful girl from time to time.” ~ David Spade
🔸“There are a couple hard things. One, getting a funny idea that people can relate to; a funny idea or a funny script; there’s a million pitches.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Horrible date all through high school and college. Here’s an impression of me on a date in high school. Come on, chug it!” ~ David Spade
🔸“I can see getting married and having a family because it is the next thing on the agenda. You can only do this for so long. I’m old, and my friends all have kids. And I’m single, still blow drying my hair!” ~ David Spade
🔸“I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.” ~ David Spade
🔸“People come and go around you, but you’re never the one getting the big stuff. I like that.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Most of the shows I want to do I’m not smart enough to figure out how to watch.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire city’s. I prefer keeping my eyes wide open.” ~ David Spade
🔸“If I try to cover too much ground, you start to get watered down and less interesting.” ~ David Spade
🔸“There’s always something funny about men chasing women.” ~ David Spade
🔸“I only have one note, let’s be honest. But I’ll play a different version of that one note.” ~ David Spade
🔸“Spent most of the summer looking for shade. Driving around. Shade. Please? Driving in malls. I’ll park a mile away I don’t care. I’m just looking for a tree branch, anything. Long weed. Bigleaf, get the front corner panel under it. Oh, precious shade, I have it – you don’t!” ~ David Spade
🔸“There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all.” ~ David Spade
🔸“I just don’t like to go out and deal with the real world. It’s scary.” ~ David Spade
🔸“The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her, “Hey, did I leave a penny over there?”” ~ David Spade
🔸“MySpace is a great way to keep in touch with friends who you don’t care enough about to actually have a conversation with, why bother calling to say “how are you,” when you can just surf their page and post an mpeg of a guy farting on his cat.” ~ David Spade
🔸“As boys get older, they can’t let on that it’s cool to meet me.” ~ David Spade
🔸“It’s brutal. I see friends when their shows don’t work. Everything’s riding on making money and all the pressure and how people scatter when fortunes turn downward.” ~ David Spade
🔸“On Sundays, I lay low, sulk a lot, and try to get my head together for next week.” ~ David Spade
🔸“I talk to my dad all the time, he’s more like my buddy than my father, and he’s not happy that I use him in my act. But I tell him, I have to get something out of this.” ~ David Spade
🔸“It’s so crazy in Hollywood.” ~ David Spade
🔸“I think the chances are better of me putting Super Unleaded into a rented car.” ~ David Spade
🔸“I have no detectable hairstyle.” ~ David Spade Quotes
🔸“Don’t make your kids look hot and dirty and sexy when they’re 5-years old! It’s really not the place or the time. You’re about 11 years early.” ~ David Spade
🔸“I’m like a Dilbert cartoon.” ~ David Spade
David Spade Quotes :
🔸“Stayed up and watched a little spanktrovision. It’s the American way. There’s really nothing wrong with spanktrovision. One of the best inventions of the 1900s, 20th century.
🔸“I just don’t like to go out and deal with the real world. It’s scary.
🔸“I want to get away from it all. Move to the sticks. Montana. Hundreds of miles from civilization. Get a cabin in the snow. Curl up with some cute girl. Say stuff to her like, Scream all you want, sugar. Ain’t nobody gonna hear you!
🔸“Nobody wants to read about your life. Who cares?
🔸“You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad’s in the room. Low five!
🔸“It’s just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I’m sure I will, but I’m just trying to postpone it.
🔸“Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he’s good.
🔸“Most of the shows I want to do I’m not smart enough to figure out how to watch.
🔸“The hard part about SNL is, there’s no real communication when you get there.
🔸“It’s not like people are mean to you, they just act like you’re not there.
🔸“I never dated much in high school or college.
🔸“In grade school I was smart, but I didn’t have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.
🔸“It’s great to tell people you have your own show, but that’s where the fun stops.
🔸“I think the chances are better of me putting Super Unleaded into a rented car.
🔸“If I try to cover too much ground, you start to get watered down and less interesting.
🔸“Don’t make your kids look hot and dirty and sexy when they’re 5-years old! It’s really not the place or the time. You’re about 11 years early.
🔸“I’m a gentleman and I was always taught it’s rude, to talk about a woman’s age or weight unless you are breaking up with her.
🔸“I can see getting married and having a family, because it is the next thing on the agenda. You can only do this for so long. I’m old, and my friends all have kids. And I’m single, still blow drying my hair!
🔸“Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire city’s. I prefer keeping my eyes wide open.
🔸“My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.
You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that’s depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.
🔸“It’s just easier to make fun and cut down. It’s kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you’re going to say, it can be cruel and funny.
🔸“It’s brutal. I see friends when their shows don’t work. Everything’s riding on making money and all the pressure and how people scatter when fortunes turn downward.
🔸“There’s always something funny about men chasing women.
🔸“There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all.
🔸“Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I’m on 8.
Latest David Spade Quotes From Interviews :
🔸“Swinging For the Fences With David Spade in The Benchwarmers. Interview With Evan Jacobs, movieweb.com. April 3, 2006.
🔸“I just don’t like to go out and deal with the real world. It’s scary.
🔸“It’s good to do stand-up. It kind of wakes you up and makes you feel like you’re doing something. You got the crowd right there. That’s all fun.
Quotes & Jokes By David Spade :
🔸“MySpace is a great way to keep in touch with friends who you don’t care enough about to actually have a conversation with, why bother calling to say
🔸”how are you,” when you can just surf their page and post an mpeg of a guy farting on his cat.
🔸“When my stepfather died, I just kind of fell apart. I felt pretty vulnerable, like there literally could be no tomorrow.
🔸“You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad’s in the room. Low five!
🔸“It’s hard for your mom to tell you she has an oral fixation and has to have something in her mouth. My step dad is in the kitchen winking at me. You down with OPP, yeah you know me. Exciting is and a special… What? Easy, and
🔸“why do you know all the words? That’s weird.
🔸“My older brother was cool, so I was suddenly cool by association. And I totally dusted all my old math friends.
🔸“Actually my Dad just took off. It was one of those divorces he split and he’d show up once a year and give me a Nerf football for Christmas. Thought he’s my hero again. Woah it’s two colors… you spoil me, you prick.
🔸“It wasn’t a cutdown to call someone a Mexican. It would kill my career to refer to someone as Mexican today. It’s like calling me an American.
🔸“But seriously I got hit by a car the other day. Yeah, I’m alright, I appreciate the concern. I was going about 8, the care behind me was going about 11. He wasn’t getting to 11, he was at 11. But he was behind me so cha-ching! C4, C5, bingo! He gets out of the car about 105 years old. A little cooky in the head.
🔸“I’m a little tattered. He starts saying things he probably shouldn’t at the scene of an accident. Hell buddy, I wasn’t even looking. Might want to keep that to yourself.Then he just keeps burying himself. I can’t even drive a stick. I don’t know which one is the brake. My legs are numb. I been drinking!
🔸“Donald Trump celebrated a birthday last week, when asked how it feels to be 61, Trump said, “Rosie’s a fat loser … she’s ugly on the inside”.
Horrible date all through high school and college. Here’s an impression of me on a date in high school. Come on, chug it!
🔸“I’m a gentleman and I was always taught it’s rude, to talk about a woman’s age or weight unless you are breaking up with her.
🔸“I asked my ex-girlfriend, “Do you think we’ll get back together?” She said, “I think the chances are better of me putting Super Unleaded into a rented car.”
🔸“I have to wear a hat even indoors and flashes in particular freak me out. I even have to make them turn down the lights in the make-up trailers. I’ve become such a pain in the butt with this light-sensitive thing, it’s a wonder they don’t just shoot me.
🔸“Watched Terms of Enrearment. Don’t play dumb. Don’t, it offends me. Bang the Nun Slowly. I think it’s a remake. Your Ass Licked Part. That one’s scary a little bit. There’s one with midgets. Itty Bitty Gang Bang. I’m not sure if that was worth $7.95. It’s a write off. Awww Schindler’s Fist. So usually… I don’t… I don’t like the political stuff. The political porn isn’t really where it’s at late night.
🔸“A little Everclear punch. We had Everclear punch. Everclear is like 3000 proof grain alcohol. Illegal in 44 states. 🔸“Makes a nice little mixer. Put it with Hawaiian Punch you got a nice little cordial. Girls are like, I can’t even taste it. We know.
David Spade Famous Quotes :
🔸“To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.”
🔸“I’ve had it where things didn’t go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.”
🔸“Single guys get a bad rap.”
🔸“I only have one note, let’s be honest. But I’ll play a different version of that one note.”
🔸“It’s just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I’m sure I will, but I’m just trying to postpone it.”
🔸“The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her, “Hey, did I leave a penny over there?”
🔸“My career is just kind of crazy.”
🔸“There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all.”
🔸“No one wants to know I set my alarm and get up 8, but I think it’s too weird to sleep in too late.”
🔸“I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.”
🔸“I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.”
🔸“My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.”
🔸“Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you’re somewhat normal, it’s exotic.”
🔸“I have no detectable hair style.”
🔸“I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.”
🔸“I’ve got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose.”
🔸“I never have kids in movies or in TV shows.”
🔸“It’s so crazy in Hollywood.”
🔸“Most of the shows I want to do I’m not smart enough to figure out how to watch.”
🔸“In grade school I was smart, but I didn’t have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.”
🔸“Success? You can’t get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, ‘That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He’s horrible.”
🔸“To be famous and broke is hard.”
🔸“You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that’s depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.”
🔸“There’s always something funny about men chasing women.”
🔸“A friend of Nicole Ritchie told the New York Post that Nicole is definitely pregnant.”
🔸“Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it’s not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.”
🔸“I never dated much in high school or college.”
🔸“I think the chances are better of me putting Super Unleaded into a rented car.”
🔸“I feel like I’ve got this anti-marriage thing, but it’s less that and more I’m overthinking it to get it right.”
🔸“It’s funny because it’s funny.”
Verdict
David Spade Quotes is that it is a great source of inspiration, humor, and wit. The quotes can be used to bring a smile to anyone’s face, or to help someone find the words to express their feelings. Ultimately, the verdict is that David Spade Quotes can be a valuable tool for anyone looking for a little bit of wisdom and humor.
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